So the Oscars were last weekend, apparently, which I haven’t watched since forever (how can you take an organization seriously that doesn’t award Best Pic to Rex Harrison’s Doctor Dolittle?). Just my luck I miss the organization’s first live televised felony battery. Any hoo, since I wasn’t tied down to watching 3+ hours of a bunch of millionaire hypocrites telling me how much they wish I’d die off, I rooted around for something equally cartoonish.