After years and years of false starts, I’ve finally achieved another worthless TV-watching milestone: I’ve made it through The Doctors, the NBC daytime serial that ran for 20 years, and won the first Emmy for Best Show Daytime (1972).
Continue reading All-Time Time-Wastin’ Champ: I’ve finished NBC’s soap, ‘The Doctors’!Tag Archives: drama
‘The Rhinemann Exchange’ (1977): Final ‘Best Sellers’ miniseries is a 4-hour drag
Okay, okay. I know I wrote months ago (wait…was it years?) that I would finish off my look at the NBC Best Sellers “series of mini-series” from the 1976-1977 season, with a review of The Rhinemann Exchange, based on the Robert Ludlum WWII espionage thriller, starring Lauren Hutton, John Huston, Roddy McDowall, Claude Akins, Vince Edwards, Jose Ferrer, Rene Auberjonois, Larry Hagman, Werner Klemperer, Trisha Noble, and that pedo. I’m also fairly certain that I told you people that I was experiencing actual physical discomfort in doing so, not so much because I would have to write about Stephen Collins (we’ll dissect him later), but because The Rhinemann Exchange is so cosmically dull, so existentially dead, that I honestly don’t know—I mean right now, sitting here—what the hell I’m going to say about it.
Continue reading ‘The Rhinemann Exchange’ (1977): Final ‘Best Sellers’ miniseries is a 4-hour drag
‘Simon & Simon’ (Season 2): How did this P.I. series become a surprise hit? By simply entertaining us
Remember my last Odd Couple review, where I said I wanted to tie up some loose ends? Well…I found another series that needs completing, so before I stage my own phony death and disappear with my old lady and the insurance pay-off in the spirit of our glorious President getting another chance to wrap things up, we’re going to look at the second season of Simon & Simon.
‘The Odd Couple’ (Season 2): Sitcom undergoes drastic production changes. Do they work?
This time of year always brings (drunken) promises of tying up loose ends and making things “right” (how many times can a bookie break your arm? Apparently…lots), so when I sobered up after the holidays (and figured out how to type one-handed), I went back and looked at partially-reviewed titles here on Drunk TV that needed to be completed. And sure enough, one of my top 5 favorite sitcoms, The Odd Couple, had somehow been abandoned after a measly season one review.
Continue reading ‘The Odd Couple’ (Season 2): Sitcom undergoes drastic production changes. Do they work?
‘The Executioner’s Song’ (1982): ‘Director’s Cut’ trims down ‘true life’ crime miniseries
I made the mistake of going to the movies this week. A new movie. In an actual theater. That I had to pay for. Without thinking, I bought a ticket for Terrifier 3, for no other reason than I wanted to see if I could recreate the feeling I used to have back in the 80s—the golden age of slasher movies—where you just walked into some horror gore fest you didn’t know a thing about, and had a rowdy good time at the movies.
Continue reading ‘The Executioner’s Song’ (1982): ‘Director’s Cut’ trims down ‘true life’ crime miniseries
‘Poor Little Rich Girl: The Barbara Hutton Story’ (1987): Farrah portrays tragic socialite in opulent, soapy miniseries
No one revels in TV excess like myself…but this is just too, too much.
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‘John Steinbeck’s East of Eden’ (1981): Epic miniseries is Jane Seymour’s finest hour
“I’ve done things that would turn your blood to spit.” Cathy Ames
I know, I know. Months ago, I promised to review all of the miniseries that were featured on NBC’s “miniseries series,” Best Sellers. And I did. I even bought a bootleg DVD of the one that’s impossible to find—that’s how committed I was to the project. I only had The Rhinemann Exchange to go. Well…I’ve watched it. I have the notes. But I’m telling you: it’s so goddamn boring I’m not sure I can face writing a review of it. We’ll see. I don’t want to talk about it. Let’s look at a different mini. Come on—give me a break, okay?
Continue reading ‘John Steinbeck’s East of Eden’ (1981): Epic miniseries is Jane Seymour’s finest hour
‘Christmas in the Rockies’ (2020): Romance, lumberjack games, & WWE chicks for the win
Flying hatchets. Running with chainsaws.
These people will do anything for $50,000. But in this economy, who can blame them?
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‘The Oklahoma City Dolls’ (1981): Skip the Super Bowl. Watch THIS instead!
Okay, now look: if you’re stupid enough to actually watch the Super Bowl this year believing that the fix isn’t in, now that the globalist Uni-Party has paid the curiously asexual PSYOP/singer to “hook up” (rrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiight) with the bone-headed “clot shot” shill, all in service of the eventual President Bumbles endorsement, well…I don’t know what I can tell you. You’re probably beyond reach.
Continue reading ‘The Oklahoma City Dolls’ (1981): Skip the Super Bowl. Watch THIS instead!
‘The Lindbergh Kidnapping Case’ (1976): Anthony Hopkins hams it up in shallow true crime performance
So, wait: Lindbergh willingly sacrificed his kid to Nobel Prize-winning biologist Alexis Carrel in some Abrahamic gesture to provide Carrel a body for eugenics experimentation that went wrong…and then covered it up? That promotion for a new whack-job book conspiracy theory came over my news feed the other day, and sucker though I am for any and all looney conspiracy theories, it immediately reminded me of NBC’s 1976 long, long telemovie, The Lindbergh Kidnapping Case, where the real crime wasn’t the kidnapping, but Anthony Hopkins’ deliciously awful Emmy-winning performance.
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‘Seventh Avenue’ (1977): Third ‘Best Sellers’ miniseries really moves!
Oy vey iz mir did I get myself into something.
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‘Once an Eagle’ (1976): NBC’s second ‘Best Sellers’ mini a sprawling epic across two world wars
Back when “the Big Three” were the only game in town, do you remember how exciting Septembers were, you vintage TV-crazed viewer? Sure you do. How exciting the prospect was for the upcoming slew of new TV shows, thoughtfully brought to you by your friendly networks, entirely free of charge? It was as if you had this whole new group of friends who were waiting to entertain you, and all you had to do was turn on the TV to see them, to welcome them into your home.
Continue reading ‘Once an Eagle’ (1976): NBC’s second ‘Best Sellers’ mini a sprawling epic across two world wars
‘Captains and the Kings’ (1976): Kennedyesque mini was the first of NBC’s ‘Best Sellers’ series
Hot creepers are they really trying to foist another Kennedy on us for the White House? As a VP replacement for Madame Word Salad? That family of bootlegging, pill-popping, ballot box-stuffing, movie star- shagging poon-hounds? Incrapitable!
Continue reading ‘Captains and the Kings’ (1976): Kennedyesque mini was the first of NBC’s ‘Best Sellers’ series
‘Sweet Hostage’ (1975): Martin Sheen kidnaps Linda Blair in TV exploiter
A must-have primer for every would-be romantic kidnapper out there…although the only way Sweet Hostage would be remade today is if Bradley Cooper kidnapped Dylan Mulvaney.
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‘Greatest Heroes of the Bible (Vol. 2) – God’s Chosen Ones’: More good lovin’ from the Good Book
Oy gevalt what’s with this meshugganah Easter season? The last time I put something out specifically for Easter (the Shick Sunn Classic TV epic Greatest Heroes of the Bible: Volume One review), we were in the middle of a deliberately manufactured global lockdown that was designed by our elitist overlords as a dry run for who-knows what’s to come…and God didn’t do anything about it (or them). To say I was in a snit with His rather, shall we say, casual attitude about the whole thing is an understatement, and it convinced me not write any more about Him or his people.
Continue reading ‘Greatest Heroes of the Bible (Vol. 2) – God’s Chosen Ones’: More good lovin’ from the Good Book
‘Magnum, P.I.’ (Season 1): Beaches, beauties, & the private eye of the ’80s
Funny the things a grown man will do for a living.
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‘Dead by Sunset’ (1995): Juicy melodrama is exactly what true-crime lovers want
I don’t even know what’s up anymore with Lifetime or Lifetime Movie Network; I haven’t watched since we ditched cable years and years ago (I think they just make Christmas movies now where everyone’s best friend is some screaming Billy Eichner queen). But back in the day, those channels, particularly LMN, were a treasure trove of lurid, pulpy, old-school true-crime mellers, and Dead by Sunset―featuring one of the genre’s “Psycho Hall of Fame” performances from Ken Olin―was one of the best.
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‘The U.F.O. Incident’ (1975): Fact, fiction, or Hollywood entertainment?
Can’t some bug-eyed outer space piece of sh*t abduct me the hell out of what passes for America today? Oh, well…one can dream.
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‘Breaking Up is Hard to Do’ (1979): Forgotten TV movie is a true gem
Worthwhile, even remarkable-at-times, made-for-TV drama; perfect viewing for post-football withdrawal…if you’re a real man.
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‘Christmas on the Coast’ (2018): Love, romance and going home
They say you can never go back home. But sometimes, it’s just what the doctor ordered to find yourself again.
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