Despite my wife’s adamant aversion to Karen and Richard, for me it just doesn’t seem like Christmas without the mellifluous strains of The Carpenters warbling out some beloved carol (Donna’s a Quaker, but “smash them in their stupid smiling faces” seems to be her default comment whenever they come on the radio). So why not ditch the stress and strain of today’s world and cool out with not one but two mellow masters of easy listening: The Carpenters and Perry Como?
Continue reading ‘Perry Como’s Christmas Show’ (1974): The Carpenters join Como for a look back on a world long goneTag Archives: 1970s
‘The U.F.O. Incident’ (1975): Fact, fiction, or Hollywood entertainment?
Can’t some bug-eyed outer space piece of sh*t abduct me the hell out of what passes for America today? Oh, well…one can dream.
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‘Frankenstein: The True Story’ (1973): Miniseries brings Mary Shelley’s classic monster to life
It’s Shock-tober, everyone! That’s right—time to take out a second mortgage to pay for your groceries this week. So, let’s lighten our loads by doing what I’ve been since I was in a playpen: escaping reality by obsessively watching TV. And what better way to block out the possibility of six more years of the Didy-in-Chief, than to watch one terrifying horror movie after another until one’s senses are completely numb.
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‘The Roller Derby Chronicles’: 2 documentaries & tons of vintage game footage!
You know what sports I played as a kid? My TV, that’s what. And my favorite of all time was catching Big Time Wrestling coming out WXYZ, Detroit’s Channel 7. When Bobo Brazil, after breaking free of The Sheik’s camel-clutch hold, would give his skull-crushing “Coco Butt” to lay the Sheik out, well…why the hell would I want to go outside and toss around a ball and maybe miss that?
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‘The California Kid’ (1974): A spare, surprisingly grim little suspenser
A clean, trim, hard-boiled little gem of a suspenser, from the golden days of network made-for-TV movies.
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‘Satan’s Triangle’ (1975): Decades later, occult thriller is still a winner
You know what would be the perfect vacation for this particular Fourth of July, Independence Day? In today’s America, I mean? Cruise to the Devil’s Triangle. But you say you just can’t let Beelzebub see your bikini bod this year? Well…you could check out Satan’s Triangle, the 1975 made-for-TV occult classic starring Kim Novak and Doug McClure, that originally appeared on the beloved anthology series, ABC Tuesday Movie of the Week (there’s a nice print streaming on Prime right now).
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‘Breaking Up is Hard to Do’ (1979): Forgotten TV movie is a true gem
Worthwhile, even remarkable-at-times, made-for-TV drama; perfect viewing for post-football withdrawal…if you’re a real man.
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‘The Deadly Tower’ (1975): Questionable—but suspenseful—re-telling of real-life Texas killings
In a post-holiday mood for something light, I happened upon an older Warner Bros. Archive Collection disc of The Deadly Tower, NBC’s 1975 made-for-TV movie with Disney alumnus Kurt Russell starring as infamous University of Texas sniper, Charles Whitman.
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‘A Christmas Story’ (1972): Hanna-Barbera special is a sweet, nostalgic time capsule
Hey, listen, readers: if we have to change our name from DrunkTV to All Hanna-Barbera! All the Time!, we will, particularly with the insane number of hits we’ve been clocking lately off that brand.
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‘A Day for Thanks on Walton’s Mountain’ (1982) & ‘A Walton Thanksgiving Reunion’ (1993): A TV reunion double feature
Thanksgiving, right? I mean…it’s a tough one this year, no doubt. Outside of family and friends and the traditional bird and old timey TV, it feels like there’s not a whole lot else to be thankful for, you know? I mean, you’ll be lucky if family can even visit, what with gas prices the way they are (as well as that one lunatic who refuses to visit because most family members don’t believe in the clot-shot). And that big dinner—if you can find the ingredients on those mostly empty shelves—costs way more this year, thanks to you know who (when given the time-honored chance to offer Presidential clemency to the White House Thanksgiving turkey, he promptly pardoned the Easter Bunny). Hell, even nostalgic TV might not help; I know I had a tough time getting into the holiday mood, after watching 1982’s mostly-okay A Day for Thanks on Walton’s Mountain and 1993’s decidedly icky A Walton Thanksgiving Reunion.
Continue reading ‘A Day for Thanks on Walton’s Mountain’ (1982) & ‘A Walton Thanksgiving Reunion’ (1993): A TV reunion double feature
‘The Star Wars Holiday Special’ (1978): TV extravaganza is what today’s world needs
Dear God, now, more than ever…we need The Star Wars Holiday Special.
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‘Rich Man, Poor Man: Book II’ (1976): Rushed sequel series still entertains
A true television “event,” back when a show could catch fire with the huge, largely unified network TV audience and actually depress attendance at restaurants and movie theaters on broadcast nights (while stressing city sewer systems during commercial breaks), Rich Man, Poor Man, starring Peter Strauss, Nick Nolte, Susan Blakely, and a host of familiar TV and movie star names, broke Nielsen records for the newly-minted “miniseries” genre.
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‘The Beasts are On the Streets’ (1978): Hanna-Barbera’s family-friendly disaster flick
Well…if everything else seems to be a disaster right now, it couldn’t hurt to watch some disaster flicks, now could it?
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‘Captain Caveman and the Teen Angels’: Is this Charlie’s Angels: The Animated Series?
Yes, you didn’t read that clickbait headline incorrectly: we have MORE Charlie’s Angels review action coming your way! Yes! The original show! Another season! The sixth! Well, not the sixth exactly, but still the original! Well…maybe not the original show, but pretty close! Pretty close! Almost the same thing! I mean, well….
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It’s May, 1978. Do you know what’s on Showtime?
I read someone once who stated there comes a moment of decision in every man’s life where he chooses either to move forward or back. At the time it sounded faintly ominous, but after a few years paddling around in what suicidally-bored George Sanders correctly referred to as that “sweet cesspool,” I found it a warning largely beside the point. I don’t believe we move in straight lines in terms of human evolvement (or in terms of anything else, for that matter), but rather in a giant circle. We ride wheels within turning wheels (check it: I’m starting to trill like Noel Harrison…), giving the illusion of movement and progress to those inhabitants on other wheels…when all of us are really just pinned down on a piece of drawing paper like a giant Spirograph. Pretty pictures, destined to endlessly repeat themselves.
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‘The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson’: Unflappable, supremely confident, with laser-precision timing
Just a minor administrative note before the review: Drunk TV has a new official mascot for the foreseeable future. Enjoy!
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‘Someone I Touched’ (1975): What’s going on down there? TV movie answers
…a.k.a.: First, You Drip.
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‘Superdome’ (1978): Skip the Super Bowl. Watch this instead
“Tomorrow we’ve got 75,000 people in the Dome…and a psycho on the loose.”
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‘Rich Man, Poor Man’ (1976): Racy event television from a lost era
Well…now that the seven angels have blasted their horns, rumbling them into a wild, dark winter, inventing entirely new, terrible beasts while we line up with our seven bowls to meekly beseech, “Please, sir, I’d like some more,” (Lionel Bart’s smash West End musical Oliver!, with book by John the Elder and Heinrich Heine), there doesn’t seem to be much more to do while we await our re-education camp assignments than to watch some vintage television, right?
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‘Hanna-Barbera’s All-Star Comedy Ice Revue’ (1978): A glorious, forgotten TV special
Here’s to all that gorgeous Ice Capades snatch at the Bakersfield Civic Auditorium!
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Drunk TV 